Our children’s hair is definitely one of those topics we never discussed in premarital counseling, but ended up causing friction in our marriage.
Similar to any dispute, the hair was not the issue. So the goal is always to listen to the underlying problem.
If you too are experiencing friction in your partnership over hair, try these questions ...
What do you love the most about your hair? And why?
What does "getting your hair done/cut" mean to you?
Who is your favorite hair stylist/barber? And why?
What is your fondest memory of getting your hair done/cut?
Who did your hair when you were younger?
What was your favorite style?
If you could try any hairstyle which one would you try?
What is your relationship with your hair? Do you love or wish there was something you could change about it?
Who is and is not allowed to touch your hair?
Are you tender headed?
When do you know it's time to get your hair done/cut?
How often do you go to a hair stylist/barber?
What's the most you've even spent on a hair cut/style? Was it worth it?
Have you ever seen to a trichologist?
What was your least favorite part of getting your hair done/cut?
What does hair mean to you?
What does hair represent in your family?
Who did your mom’s hair (and other wombmyn in your family)?
What was that process like?
Do you believe in bad hair days?
Are there any superstitions or cultural beliefs that you remember from your childhood?
What caught your eye about my hair when you first met me?
Do you have any hair standards for our children? What are they?
Which hair values would you like us to instill in our children?
How would you like us to resolve conflicts over our children's hair care routines?
Who should have the final word when it comes to decisions about our children's hair, me, you or our children?
Are there any styles that are completely off limits?
Do you have any concerns about our children's hair?
These questions may not get to the bottom of the tension, but they will allow you and your partner to open up, and get a better understanding of each other’s hair norms.
Until next time.
Love The Journey,